Friday's funnies - More people for the Darwin Awards

This most recent Friday at work, the colleague that forwarded the "30 lines to make you smile" last Friday forwarded the list of contenders for the Darwin Awards below. It's hilarious!!

Hmmm, I wonder what is it that I need to do to get myself nominated as a Darwin Awards contender. Hahahahaha.....

***********************************************

Number One Idiot

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her in. During the conversation, she happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Number Two Idiot

Early this year, some Qantas employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.

They are no longer employed at Qantas.

Number Three Idiot

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Commonwealth Bank, walked into the Branch and wrote this, "Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Commonwealth Bank and crossed the street to the Westpac Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Westpac teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Commonwealth Bank deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Westpac deposit slip or go back to Commonwealth Bank. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Commonwealth Bank.

Number Four Idiot

A motorist was caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $240 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $240. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $240.

Number Five Idiot

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.

The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

Idiot Number Six

A pair of Sydney robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

Idiot Number Seven

Brisbane: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious.

It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

I live in a semi-rural area (probably Kurrajong) We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing any more."

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE

My daughter went to a local Taco bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce. He was a Chef?

IDIOT SIGHTING

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

IDIOT SIGHTING

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

She was a probation officer with the NSW Police.

IDIOT SIGHTING

At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker (she was leaving the company due to "downsizing), our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a bunch at Telsta.

IDIOT SIGHTING

When my husband and I arrived at an car dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side."

This was at the Honda dealership at Parramatta!