I got this forwarded to me last month from a friend, who got it from a friend, who got this forward from Wales. It's funny!
Tom was short of money and the Vicar offered him a job painting the inside of the church. Tom borrowed £200 off the vicar and bought what he thought would be enough paint to cover the church. But he soon discovered hat he was using more paint than he expected, so he added a bottle of thinner to the paint and that seemed to work. Problem was, Tom was still using more paint than he wanted, so he added yet more thinner to the paint. The paint was a little too thin to cover the church walls well but Tom kept on painting. All of a sudden Tom was surprised was a bolt of lighting and a loud voice from the roof proclaimed: "Repaint and thin no more!"
Showing posts with label Funny/Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny/Humour. Show all posts
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Indian cartoon likens police to KKK
Recent attacks on Indian university students in Melbourne have made news headlines over here. Even more recently, Indian student Nitin Garg has been murdered. In the wake of that killing, the above cartoon was published a couple of days ago in the Delhi Mail Today. It shows a person in a Ku Klux Klan hood wearing a police badge, with the following caption: "We are yet to ascertain the nature of the crime." The cartoon has caused lots of controversy & has been condemned by Australian police & political leaders as being deeply offensive. The view is that it is outrageous & inappropriate to liken the police to KKK.
The cartoonist, R Prasad, had told the media that his cartoon depicted an official acceptance of racism by failing to act against racially-motivated attacks. When asked why his cartoon showed Australian police as KKK members, he said that this was a "terribly wrong interpretation" & cartoons were always exagerrated. Mr Prasad added that cartoons offer "an artist's comment on news". He also then said that "the hood or the cloak of the Ku Klux Klan is a globally known and recognised cultural signifier that represents racism & that "the police badge on the cloak is a symbol of official acceptance of racism by not acting against race attacks".
My view: Hahahahaha!!! Very smart & witty, Mr Prasad. I like the cartoon, & I think it is funny. I'm not offended by it, & I don't see what is so offensive about it. And I don't think criticisms levelled toward the cartoonists are fully justified. Mr Prasad, the cartoonist, is fully entitled to his opinions. As a cartoonist, it his job to, as he said, offer an "artist's comment on news", & often such cartoons depict news/recent happenings in a humorous light. Mr Prasad is not saying all the police force are part of the KKK. He is just offering his view of the recent happenings in Melbourne, & of how thinks the police are handling the investigations. If he doesn't think the police are doing enough, & has some basis to support his viewpoint, then he as a cartoonist is entitied to depict his views creatively/artistically. Some people need to get a grip.....they are so sensitive. It's only a cartoon!!! In any case, there are bound to be some police in Australia & any Western country who are racist & hold white supremacist views. So tell me then, what is so wrong about this cartoon???
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Workplace dares
ONE-POINT DARES (BEGINNERS...)
1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears
3. Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,"Sorry,I really prefer it this way".
4. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
5. While riding in an lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
6. When in the lift with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy...
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
10. Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
THREE-POINT DARES (NOT BAD)
1. Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
2. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
3. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
4. Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout,"dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.
7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.
8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.
FIVE-POINT DARES (GO FOR IT!)
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself). 2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two". 5. When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ''she can abort it for all I care''.
6. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.
7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"
9. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
10. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
11. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
13. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
14. While a colleague is writing, grab their pen and throw it out of the nearest open window.
1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears
3. Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,"Sorry,I really prefer it this way".
4. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
5. While riding in an lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
6. When in the lift with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy...
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
10. Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
THREE-POINT DARES (NOT BAD)
1. Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
2. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
3. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
4. Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout,"dagnamit, it's happened again!". Then do it again.
7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.
8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.
FIVE-POINT DARES (GO FOR IT!)
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself). 2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two". 5. When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ''she can abort it for all I care''.
6. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: "The report's on your desk, Mon." Keep this up for one hour.
7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"
9. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
10. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
11. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
13. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
14. While a colleague is writing, grab their pen and throw it out of the nearest open window.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
What is generation Y?
What is generation Y?
Hhhmmmm, I've always wondered this myself....Now I know.
The Silent generation, people born before 1946.
The Baby Boomers, people born between 1946 and 1959.
Generation X, people born between 1960 and 1979.
Generation Y, people born between 1980 and 2009.
Why do we call the last one generation Y? I did not know, but a cartoonist explains it eloquently below...Learned something new today!
Hhhmmmm, I've always wondered this myself....Now I know.
The Silent generation, people born before 1946.
The Baby Boomers, people born between 1946 and 1959.
Generation X, people born between 1960 and 1979.
Generation Y, people born between 1980 and 2009.
Why do we call the last one generation Y? I did not know, but a cartoonist explains it eloquently below...Learned something new today!
Monday, October 19, 2009
"1Toilet" plan....hahahaha!!!
Hahahaha. Look at this article from The Star (Malaysian newspaper) on 15/10/2009. It talks about a "1Toilet" plan. The things people come up with these days. Everyone shares 1 toilet!! Hahahahaha!!!!!!!! It's so very very silly, to put it kindly. Let's point & laugh!! Hahaha!!
The article says that students feel increased sense of importance if they share the same toilet as their teachers. This makes me LMAO. Aaahhhhhh, yes, I see. Teachers use toilet first, then students use after the teachers. Or hey, they can make it the other way round & let students use the toilet first before teachers. Either way, students & teachers get the chance to smell each other's shit. What a great honour, indeed. It must be such an honour for the teachers to have their faecal odour being discussed by their beloved students. "Hey, did u know what Miss Hasmah's shit smells like?" "You think that's bad? Mr Salleh's shit smells even worse! It must be all that roti canai"
Yeah, I can see "1 shit break per person per day" being introduced. If that really happens, u hear it first from here!!
‘1Toilet’ plan to let teachers and students mingle freely
KUALA TERENGGANU: The state government will introduce a “1Toilet” policy in a move to liberalise education, where teachers – and even principals – will soon have to share toilets with their students.
State Education, Higher Learning, Human Resource, Science and Technology Committee chairman Ahmad Razif Abd Rahman said the policy was mooted in line with the 1Malaysia concept, and teachers and students could have a feeling of “oneness”.
“We want students to have a sense of belonging that we believe would inspire them to excel further in their education.
“When students share the toilets with the teacher, they (students) will believe that they are on par with academicians and this automatically invokes a sense of being important to an organisation, which, in this case, is the school,” he said here yesterday.
“We are not compelling the school authorities to apply the policy. It is their prerogative,” said Ahmad Razif.
“So far, we have one school in Hulu Terengganu that has implemented the policy a few days ago. It has received positive feedback from the school management although it is still premature for us to evaluate its efficiency,” he said.
Ahmad Razif said that under the policy, teachers and students would also be encouraged to sit within a common space at school canteens during recess.
“This means that teachers and students will mingle freely during recess,” he said.
Ahmad Razif said the policy had initially been proposed by Mentri Besar Datuk Ahmad Said earlier this year but that it took some time for it to be properly drafted.
On another matter, Ahmad Razif said the state government would continue to send students to pursue medicine and dentistry in recognised universities in Indonesia.
“We are looking into the option of sending our students to universities in areas classified as non-earthquake prone areas in Indonesia,” he said.
Ahmad Razif said the state government was also in the midst of discussions with officials from University Padjadjaran of Bandung on the possibility of sending Terengganu students for medical courses there.
He said other countries that the state government was planning to send their medical undergraduates next year were Poland and Russia.
The article says that students feel increased sense of importance if they share the same toilet as their teachers. This makes me LMAO. Aaahhhhhh, yes, I see. Teachers use toilet first, then students use after the teachers. Or hey, they can make it the other way round & let students use the toilet first before teachers. Either way, students & teachers get the chance to smell each other's shit. What a great honour, indeed. It must be such an honour for the teachers to have their faecal odour being discussed by their beloved students. "Hey, did u know what Miss Hasmah's shit smells like?" "You think that's bad? Mr Salleh's shit smells even worse! It must be all that roti canai"
Yeah, I can see "1 shit break per person per day" being introduced. If that really happens, u hear it first from here!!
‘1Toilet’ plan to let teachers and students mingle freely
KUALA TERENGGANU: The state government will introduce a “1Toilet” policy in a move to liberalise education, where teachers – and even principals – will soon have to share toilets with their students.
State Education, Higher Learning, Human Resource, Science and Technology Committee chairman Ahmad Razif Abd Rahman said the policy was mooted in line with the 1Malaysia concept, and teachers and students could have a feeling of “oneness”.
“We want students to have a sense of belonging that we believe would inspire them to excel further in their education.
“When students share the toilets with the teacher, they (students) will believe that they are on par with academicians and this automatically invokes a sense of being important to an organisation, which, in this case, is the school,” he said here yesterday.
“We are not compelling the school authorities to apply the policy. It is their prerogative,” said Ahmad Razif.
“So far, we have one school in Hulu Terengganu that has implemented the policy a few days ago. It has received positive feedback from the school management although it is still premature for us to evaluate its efficiency,” he said.
Ahmad Razif said that under the policy, teachers and students would also be encouraged to sit within a common space at school canteens during recess.
“This means that teachers and students will mingle freely during recess,” he said.
Ahmad Razif said the policy had initially been proposed by Mentri Besar Datuk Ahmad Said earlier this year but that it took some time for it to be properly drafted.
On another matter, Ahmad Razif said the state government would continue to send students to pursue medicine and dentistry in recognised universities in Indonesia.
“We are looking into the option of sending our students to universities in areas classified as non-earthquake prone areas in Indonesia,” he said.
Ahmad Razif said the state government was also in the midst of discussions with officials from University Padjadjaran of Bandung on the possibility of sending Terengganu students for medical courses there.
He said other countries that the state government was planning to send their medical undergraduates next year were Poland and Russia.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
50 ways to know if you're an "Asian"
1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs. 2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance.
3. You have more than one-college degree, especially more than one Masters.
4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano.
5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
8. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door.
10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
12. You boil water before drinking.
13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean.
14. You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods.
15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage.
16. You have a rice cooker.
17. You're a wok user.
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it.
20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.
21. You don't dry-clean clothes, even if they need to be dry-cleaned.
22. You iron your own shirts.
23. You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it.
25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full.
26. You do either soccer, swimming, badminton, volleyball, basketball, or ping pong, and have an obsession with making the Beijing Olympics.
27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water. 29 & 30. You hate to waste food:
a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing. 31. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them.
33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
34. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save every time you get take out or go to McDonald's.
35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table.
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.
38. When you go to a dance party, there is always a group of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.
39. Your house/aparment is always cold in winter, and hot in summer.
40. Your Mom drives her Mercedes to Foodtown, or Shoppers Food Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if the dairy is next door.
41. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents.
42. You only make long distance calls after 11pm or during weekends.
43. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached.
44. You never call your parents just to say hi.
45. You think ONLY Japanese can make good CARS!
46. You use a colored face cloth every morning.
47. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places.
48. Almost all your money is in a savings account
49. You never discuss your love life with your parents.
50. You take this message and forward it to all your Asian friends.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Dispute between neighbours in Wales (true story)
Apparently, this is a true story.
A town councillor in Wales, Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the mountains, until a new neighbour purchased the land below his house and built a new home.
The new home was 18 inches higher than the planning dept had approved, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the local authority to make sure they enforced the roof line height.
The new neighbour had to drop the roof height, at great expense.
Recently, Mark Easton called the planning dept, and informed them that his new neighbour had installed some vents on the side of his new property.
Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the planning dept to investigate.
When they went to Mark's home to see what the vents looked like, this is what they found...
The Local Authority said the vents can stay since there is no planning law referring to shutter design.
A town councillor in Wales, Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the mountains, until a new neighbour purchased the land below his house and built a new home.
The new home was 18 inches higher than the planning dept had approved, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the local authority to make sure they enforced the roof line height.
The new neighbour had to drop the roof height, at great expense.
Recently, Mark Easton called the planning dept, and informed them that his new neighbour had installed some vents on the side of his new property.
Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the planning dept to investigate.
When they went to Mark's home to see what the vents looked like, this is what they found...
The Local Authority said the vents can stay since there is no planning law referring to shutter design.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Typos
Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
ceehiro
ceehiro
Friday, September 25, 2009
What does 7 days without God make?
My aunt emailed me this recently. Nice, isn't it??
Without GOD, our every week would be: Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday & Shatterday. If you are not ashamed of GOD, pass it on. Remember seven days WITHOUT GOD makes one WEAK!!
Without GOD, our every week would be: Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday & Shatterday. If you are not ashamed of GOD, pass it on. Remember seven days WITHOUT GOD makes one WEAK!!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The Spoiled Under 30 Crowd - so true!
I got this email recently. It's funny yet it's so very true :) Kids do have it so good today.
THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!
If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning
Uphill... barefoot...
BOTH ways
Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!
Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!
There were no MP3' s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!
There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone...cause that's how we rolled, dig?
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! with games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!
And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rats!
And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove........ imagine that!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!
Regards,
The over 30 Crowd
(Send this to someone you'd like to make smile, whether they are under 30 or not.)
If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning
Uphill... barefoot...
BOTH ways
Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!
Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!
There were no MP3' s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!
There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone...cause that's how we rolled, dig?
We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! with games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!
And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rats!
And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove........ imagine that!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!
Regards,
The over 30 Crowd
(Send this to someone you'd like to make smile, whether they are under 30 or not.)
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Blonde jokes
FLORIDA V MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says, "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????"
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor".
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!' says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"Well, no," she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said.... "Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY,
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says, "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????"
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor".
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!' says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"Well, no," she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said.... "Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY,
THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Little Johnny jokes
Little Johnny's at it again......
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy". Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom".
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy". Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom".
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Man Utd - Champions League parody
Barcelona's UEFA Champions League win over Manchester Utd last month would have been widely celebrated by their fans worldwide, myself included. I wish I could have been there in Barcelona to join in the fiesta! By contrast, the result was greeted with dismay by United supporters & a gnashing of teeth by sections of the British media.
I managed to find some funny clips on Football Guardian's website, which were submitted by readers & subscribers. The clips parody United's showing in the Champions League final. The people who posted these might not have been United fans. But anyway, have a look. Comments are my own, unless in italics.
Submitted by Ambrose Heron: "Director Ken Loach has made some last minute changes to his new film."
Submitted by Brendan Ashbrook: "The greatest trick the (Red) Devils ever played was convincing the world their defence existed".
For those who don't follow football closely, Barcelona's home stadium is the Nou Camp, hence the reference to "Nou-sual suspects". The players paraded are all Barcelona footballers.
Submitted by Colin Hammond: "It's Ronald'oh".
That is Cristiano Ronaldo with Homer Simpson's head photoshopped. Ronaldo may have played his last game for the club, as over the last few months, there has been strong speculation that he will be moving to Real Madrid, which happen to be Barcelona's arch-rivals. "Ronald'oh" is an apt description for his unimpressive performance in the Champions League final, suggesting that his mind was elsewhere & adding further fuel to the transfer speculation.
Here are my other thoughts: Real Madrid's traditional home kit is white. United used their white away kit for the Champions League final, so I guess Ronaldo already has some experience in losing to Barcelona while wearing white, which will be very useful should he move to Madrid! Hahaha!!!
Submitted by Martin Myers: "90 minutes of classic British comedy (defending) set in Rome".
Submitted by Martin Nicholson: "He was Rio's worst nightmare: a striker who plays in the hole all night, then pops up in the box to score".
This looks like a dig at United for the second goal scored by Barcelona via a header by Leo Messi, despite being far shorter than any of the United defenders (Rio Ferdinand & all).
Submitted by Thomas Nycz-Losi: "This will never work", protests Thierry Henry (right). "Just shut up and smuggle me to Spain before Fergie sees me," replies Manchester's favourite Portugueezer.
It really looks like Ronaldo will be playing club football in Spain next season, though not at Barcelona.
I managed to find some funny clips on Football Guardian's website, which were submitted by readers & subscribers. The clips parody United's showing in the Champions League final. The people who posted these might not have been United fans. But anyway, have a look. Comments are my own, unless in italics.
Submitted by Ambrose Heron: "Director Ken Loach has made some last minute changes to his new film."
Submitted by Brendan Ashbrook: "The greatest trick the (Red) Devils ever played was convincing the world their defence existed".
For those who don't follow football closely, Barcelona's home stadium is the Nou Camp, hence the reference to "Nou-sual suspects". The players paraded are all Barcelona footballers.
Submitted by Colin Hammond: "It's Ronald'oh".
That is Cristiano Ronaldo with Homer Simpson's head photoshopped. Ronaldo may have played his last game for the club, as over the last few months, there has been strong speculation that he will be moving to Real Madrid, which happen to be Barcelona's arch-rivals. "Ronald'oh" is an apt description for his unimpressive performance in the Champions League final, suggesting that his mind was elsewhere & adding further fuel to the transfer speculation.
Here are my other thoughts: Real Madrid's traditional home kit is white. United used their white away kit for the Champions League final, so I guess Ronaldo already has some experience in losing to Barcelona while wearing white, which will be very useful should he move to Madrid! Hahaha!!!
Submitted by Martin Myers: "90 minutes of classic British comedy (defending) set in Rome". 
Submitted by Martin Nicholson: "He was Rio's worst nightmare: a striker who plays in the hole all night, then pops up in the box to score".
This looks like a dig at United for the second goal scored by Barcelona via a header by Leo Messi, despite being far shorter than any of the United defenders (Rio Ferdinand & all).
Submitted by Thomas Nycz-Losi: "This will never work", protests Thierry Henry (right). "Just shut up and smuggle me to Spain before Fergie sees me," replies Manchester's favourite Portugueezer.
It really looks like Ronaldo will be playing club football in Spain next season, though not at Barcelona.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Open position in Alaska
Position: Surveyor
Salary: $200 per hour (tax-free)
Qualification: Must be fast on your feet
Salary: $200 per hour (tax-free)
Qualification: Must be fast on your feet
Isn't it comforting to know that when you are about to become a bear's breakfast your buddy is standing there taking photos?
Monday, March 23, 2009
Meet the UK's latest volleyball sensation
Newsflash! A British volleyball talent was spotted this past Saturday at Craven Cottage, Fulham, London. His undoubted ability with his hands was quite astounding, & was one of the biggest highlights of the evening at Fulham. The display of the red-headed volleyball sensation would surely have not gone unnoticed by the British volleyball fraternity, with the London 2012 Olympics just 3 years away. Just look at the first 3 the pictures below - such poise, application & execution. Very impressive, I must say. This guy must surely be a good bet for selection in the British volleyball team for London 2012. His name? Paul Scholes, of Manchester United.
Actually, to be fair, the performance at Fulham wasn't the first time that Scholes showed glimpses of his volleyball talent. If memory serves me correctly, the first occasion that Scholes showed talent with his hands was in Monaco in August 2008, when his Manchester United team were contesting the European Super Cup with Russian side Zenit St Petersburg. Below is the picture from Monaco. Just look at that - showcasing Scholes' the skill in doing the volleyball serve, or one-handed punch, whatever takes your fancy.
For the record, Manchester United lost on both occasions (2-1 to Zenit, 2-0 to Fulham), but the highlight on each occasion is Scholes' decision to audition himself for the UK volleyball team. And Scholes got the red-card on each occasion for his efforts. The difference is, while the red card was not such a big influence on the Zenit result (Zenit were already leading before the red card to Scholes), it did have a huge bearing on the outcome at Fulham (score was 0-0 when Scholes showed his hand).
Good technique, wrong sport.
Muppet.
Actually, to be fair, the performance at Fulham wasn't the first time that Scholes showed glimpses of his volleyball talent. If memory serves me correctly, the first occasion that Scholes showed talent with his hands was in Monaco in August 2008, when his Manchester United team were contesting the European Super Cup with Russian side Zenit St Petersburg. Below is the picture from Monaco. Just look at that - showcasing Scholes' the skill in doing the volleyball serve, or one-handed punch, whatever takes your fancy.
For the record, Manchester United lost on both occasions (2-1 to Zenit, 2-0 to Fulham), but the highlight on each occasion is Scholes' decision to audition himself for the UK volleyball team. And Scholes got the red-card on each occasion for his efforts. The difference is, while the red card was not such a big influence on the Zenit result (Zenit were already leading before the red card to Scholes), it did have a huge bearing on the outcome at Fulham (score was 0-0 when Scholes showed his hand).
Good technique, wrong sport.
Muppet.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Newsflash - Phelps is a dope!
Newsflash - Michael Phelps, that record-breaking, multiple Olympic gold medal swimming sensation, is a dope! Phelps is a dope! Well, maybe it's not newflash for those who dislike him. I'm not one of them, as I've never had anything against him personally. (well, maybe it's a bit different now)
But Phelps has apparently been caught smoking dope in broad daylight. Picture of Phelps performing the "indiscretion" were published in a British newspaper. Many would be shocked & dismayed that such an esteemed role model would stoop to doing something like that. Indeed. I think that's very foolish, very irresponsible, poor form & a big letdown for those who look up to him. What example is Phelps setting?
And frankly, if he wants to smoke all that stuff, why do it in daylight when one is much more susceptible to being caught? If u want to do it, why not do it behind closed doors, in the private seclusion of your own bedroom?? Make sure no one's around, lock your doors, then go ahead & smoke. I mean, I've been doing that for the last 2-3 years & managed to get away with it! Hahahaaha!!
But Phelps has apparently been caught smoking dope in broad daylight. Picture of Phelps performing the "indiscretion" were published in a British newspaper. Many would be shocked & dismayed that such an esteemed role model would stoop to doing something like that. Indeed. I think that's very foolish, very irresponsible, poor form & a big letdown for those who look up to him. What example is Phelps setting?
And frankly, if he wants to smoke all that stuff, why do it in daylight when one is much more susceptible to being caught? If u want to do it, why not do it behind closed doors, in the private seclusion of your own bedroom?? Make sure no one's around, lock your doors, then go ahead & smoke. I mean, I've been doing that for the last 2-3 years & managed to get away with it! Hahahaaha!!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Top 9 ridiculous place names
I saw this on the internet. It's funny to see the sort of names given to some places on this wonderful planet Earth. Have a look:
*******************************************************************
Australia may boast some of the funniest sounding place names in the world, but it doesn't have a monopoly. Scattered across the globe are towns and villages with names so unfortunate that it's hard not to feel sorry for the locals. But if you're looking for an amusing spot to add to your travel itinerary, these places are ideal for a visit, especially if you'd like your smiling mug captured on camera next to a silly sign.
Muff — County Donegal, Ireland
Undeterred by a name that conjures up all sorts of hairy images, tonnes of people have been crossing the border from Northern Ireland in recent years to relocate to this once-sleepy village. Despite the population explosion, Muff hasn't lost its traditional soul. Each year, during the first week in August, residents celebrate the Muff Festival, which includes all kinds of parades, parties, copious beer consumption and a raft of bizarre competitions, like JCB heavy vehicle driving, pig racing and lorry pulling events.
Twatt — Orkney Islands, Scotland
While unfounded rumours abound that this is Muff's twin town, the inhabitants of Twatt have become rather used to people laughing at them. This far-flung village off the north coast of Scotland featured at number four on the list of most vulgar sounding names in the book Rude Britain. Perhaps surprisingly, Bell End, Minge Lane and Cocks were ruled even cruder than Twatt, which also has a namesake on the Shetland Islands.
Whiskey Dick Mountain — Washington State, US
Mountaineering aficionados may dream of reaching the peaks of Everest and K2, but the humorous hiker heads to Whiskey Dick Mountain. A two-hour drive from Seattle, a 15km trail leads you through rugged desert area, blessed with rocky outcrops, hidden canyons and a blaze of flora and wildlife, until the 1200m-high summit appears before your eyes. People have been known to reward themselves at the top with a swig of Jack Daniel's whisky from their hip-flask.
Titty Hill — Sussex, England
Although it's just 40km from Portsmouth on England's south coast, Titty Hill feels like it's in the middle of nowhere. Surrounded by a patchwork of fields, the tiny hamlet consists of a couple of houses and a farm called, appropriately enough, Titty Hill farm. In a country that's well known for its wealth of silly place names, Titty Hill is within easy driving distance of Thong in Kent and Shitterton in Dorset, but a fair way from Wetwang in Yorkshire.
Gobblers Knob — Pennsylvania, US
Immortalised in the 1993 film Groundhog Day, Gobblers Knob in Punxsutawney is a place of pilgrimage for those wanting to hear if winter is finally over. German tradition holds that if the sun comes out on Candlemas, the precursor to Groundhog Day, the hedgehog (or badger) will see its shadow and six more weeks of the cold season will follow. When German settlers came to Pennsylvania they continued this tradition, using groundhogs instead of hedgehogs to predict the weather.
Dildo — Newfoundland, Canada
Dildo was founded in 1700 around fishing and whaling activities, with unsubstantiated rumours that its name came about because of the phallic-like shape of its harbour. Consistently named among the prettiest towns in Canada, it's recently become a magnet for tourists. Australians may already be familiar with Dildo as it was featured in the 'What the?' segment of Rove Live in 2006. The Dildo museum is popular for the replica of a 9.1m squid hauled from local waters in 1933.
Hell — Stordal, Norway
This pleasant Norwegian village hardly lives up to its dastardly name, especially in winter when, with temperatures as low as minus 20°C, Hell literally does freeze over. An easy train ride from the major city of Trondheim on Norway's fjord-peppered west coast, Hell was put on the map in 1990 when Mona Grudt, a green-eyed redhead, was the country's Miss Universe representative. She billed herself as 'the beauty queen from Hell' — and lost.
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch — Anglesey, Wales Although there's an uninhabited hill in New Zealand called Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu, this Welsh town has one of the longest officially recognised place names in the English-speaking world. Locals claim that when translated from Welsh it means 'St Mary's church in the hollow of the white hazel near to the rapid whirlpool and the church of St Tysilio of the red cave'. Thankfully, it's also spelt Llanfairpwllgwyngyll and commonly known as Llanfair PG or Llanfairpwll.
Fucking — Tarsdorf, Austria
Arguably the world's most shockingly-titled town, Fucking — 30km from Salzburg and apparently named after a sixth-century local called Focko — has been the centre of much controversy in recent years. After souvenir hunters kept stealing the signs, local authorities arranged a poll to ask the townspeople whether or not they should change their name. The stubborn lot gave a two-fingered salute, and a four-letter word response, to that little idea.
*******************************************************************
Australia may boast some of the funniest sounding place names in the world, but it doesn't have a monopoly. Scattered across the globe are towns and villages with names so unfortunate that it's hard not to feel sorry for the locals. But if you're looking for an amusing spot to add to your travel itinerary, these places are ideal for a visit, especially if you'd like your smiling mug captured on camera next to a silly sign.
Muff — County Donegal, Ireland
Undeterred by a name that conjures up all sorts of hairy images, tonnes of people have been crossing the border from Northern Ireland in recent years to relocate to this once-sleepy village. Despite the population explosion, Muff hasn't lost its traditional soul. Each year, during the first week in August, residents celebrate the Muff Festival, which includes all kinds of parades, parties, copious beer consumption and a raft of bizarre competitions, like JCB heavy vehicle driving, pig racing and lorry pulling events.
Twatt — Orkney Islands, Scotland
While unfounded rumours abound that this is Muff's twin town, the inhabitants of Twatt have become rather used to people laughing at them. This far-flung village off the north coast of Scotland featured at number four on the list of most vulgar sounding names in the book Rude Britain. Perhaps surprisingly, Bell End, Minge Lane and Cocks were ruled even cruder than Twatt, which also has a namesake on the Shetland Islands.
Whiskey Dick Mountain — Washington State, US
Mountaineering aficionados may dream of reaching the peaks of Everest and K2, but the humorous hiker heads to Whiskey Dick Mountain. A two-hour drive from Seattle, a 15km trail leads you through rugged desert area, blessed with rocky outcrops, hidden canyons and a blaze of flora and wildlife, until the 1200m-high summit appears before your eyes. People have been known to reward themselves at the top with a swig of Jack Daniel's whisky from their hip-flask.
Titty Hill — Sussex, England
Although it's just 40km from Portsmouth on England's south coast, Titty Hill feels like it's in the middle of nowhere. Surrounded by a patchwork of fields, the tiny hamlet consists of a couple of houses and a farm called, appropriately enough, Titty Hill farm. In a country that's well known for its wealth of silly place names, Titty Hill is within easy driving distance of Thong in Kent and Shitterton in Dorset, but a fair way from Wetwang in Yorkshire.
Gobblers Knob — Pennsylvania, US
Immortalised in the 1993 film Groundhog Day, Gobblers Knob in Punxsutawney is a place of pilgrimage for those wanting to hear if winter is finally over. German tradition holds that if the sun comes out on Candlemas, the precursor to Groundhog Day, the hedgehog (or badger) will see its shadow and six more weeks of the cold season will follow. When German settlers came to Pennsylvania they continued this tradition, using groundhogs instead of hedgehogs to predict the weather.
Dildo — Newfoundland, Canada
Dildo was founded in 1700 around fishing and whaling activities, with unsubstantiated rumours that its name came about because of the phallic-like shape of its harbour. Consistently named among the prettiest towns in Canada, it's recently become a magnet for tourists. Australians may already be familiar with Dildo as it was featured in the 'What the?' segment of Rove Live in 2006. The Dildo museum is popular for the replica of a 9.1m squid hauled from local waters in 1933.
Hell — Stordal, Norway
This pleasant Norwegian village hardly lives up to its dastardly name, especially in winter when, with temperatures as low as minus 20°C, Hell literally does freeze over. An easy train ride from the major city of Trondheim on Norway's fjord-peppered west coast, Hell was put on the map in 1990 when Mona Grudt, a green-eyed redhead, was the country's Miss Universe representative. She billed herself as 'the beauty queen from Hell' — and lost.
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch — Anglesey, Wales Although there's an uninhabited hill in New Zealand called Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu, this Welsh town has one of the longest officially recognised place names in the English-speaking world. Locals claim that when translated from Welsh it means 'St Mary's church in the hollow of the white hazel near to the rapid whirlpool and the church of St Tysilio of the red cave'. Thankfully, it's also spelt Llanfairpwllgwyngyll and commonly known as Llanfair PG or Llanfairpwll.
Fucking — Tarsdorf, Austria
Arguably the world's most shockingly-titled town, Fucking — 30km from Salzburg and apparently named after a sixth-century local called Focko — has been the centre of much controversy in recent years. After souvenir hunters kept stealing the signs, local authorities arranged a poll to ask the townspeople whether or not they should change their name. The stubborn lot gave a two-fingered salute, and a four-letter word response, to that little idea.
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